I have had this compelling urge to write the future you a letter. There are things I want to say to you, but don't want to muddle your brain with my emotional excessivity quite yet. In all honesty, my dear, you already harness plenty of that for yourself. The depths of your emotions do not make you weak. Instead, they make the future you capable of a love and creativity different than most others. I know that emotional intensity feels tough as a young girl, but as you grow and mature, it will manifest you into an unforgettable, one-of-a-kind woman. I am trying my damnedest as a woman, and most importantly as your mother, to ensure I don't extinguish that for you. I think we are both stubborn enough to not let that happen.
Speaking of stubbornness determination, your tenacity is admirable. Yes, I actually said that. As unnerving as your persistence can be here in 2014, I am confident it will serve the future you well. I know that you will not settle for anything less than your ideal. I am also certain that you will not accept a no, without an adequate why. I see you living a "been there, tried that, now what's next" kind of life. Please just remember that not everyone can keep up that same pace.
In addition to your strong tenacity, I also see many of your reservations and hesitations. Part of me wants to inspire you to forage right through them, but I try to bite my tongue. I am learning that you have an intuition much maturer than your chronological age. Waiting for the two to catch-up is going to continue to feel frustrating for both of us. But in the meantime, trust that beautiful conscience of yours. Listen to your inner voice and pay attention to that sour feeling in your belly. Doing so does not make you a coward. It makes you wise and powerful.
Through meltdowns and tears, I am grateful for everyday with you. I have learned more about myself and life in the past six years, than all the years preceding you. While some days definitely feel immeasurably difficult, please know that I would not change a thing. Each of those difficult days has an underlying beauty. Don't change yourself for me or anyone else. You will move mountains, just the way you are.
Love you always,
Mom xoxo
