Marital Ponderings

Roughly 50% of all marriages end in divorce.  I'm sure we have all heard that statistic at least half a dozen times.  I know I've heard it often enough that I'm typically unphased by the reality of it.  It is a truly startling implication, though.  Through the course of 14 years together, Mike and I have attended numerous weddings.  I did some recollecting, and realized that 46% of the nuptials that we have attended together, have since ended in divorce.  Let me pause there.  That is nearly half of the weddings we have been to.  The commonly spewed stat is frighteningly accurate.  Now, I am not opposed to divorce.  Nearly each of these fallen marriages have definitely warranted their end.  My ponderings are focused more on how our marriage remains intact, as Mike and I are not very different than many of these former relationships.  

How are we surviving thriving?  

We were relatively young when Mike proposed and when we married.  There was no pregnancy that prompted our choice.  There was no impending deadline or deployment looming over our heads.  We weren't pressured by time or expectations.  We were in love and we knew we would be forever.  We have learned and loved together.  And continue to do so every day.  

How is this working for us? 

We have always remained committed to one another and our relationship.  When one us wavers the other is the rock to support us.  We don't let secrets, resentment or anger stay with us.  We are both human and make mistakes, but know how disastrous harnessing those ugly things can be.  We put our efforts into impressing one another, instead of those around us.  At the same time, we know each other's weaknesses and imperfections and love those, too.  It is not effortless, but it is always easy to love one another.  I adore him and he adores me.  There are ebbs and flows, and we ride them together.  

Is forever love truly possible?

Much earlier in our relationship, we tried to be apart.  We tried to live different lives that didn't include one another.  That time only ended up serving as affirmation that our love was genuine and timeless.  Since then, we have continued to grow as individuals and as a couple.  We have learned countless life lessons, made many mistakes, and have had more arguments than I care to remember.  Still, we are together.  And not just together by law.  But truly together in life and love.

How? How How?

I have finally realized that the answer I've been searching for isn't anywhere to be found.  It is being lived everyday.  Everyday that we choose forgiveness instead of bitterness.  Everyday that I choose to flirt with my husband instead of a stranger.  Everyday that we decide laughing together is much more fun than nitpicking one another.  Everyday that we choose emotional honesty instead of locking up our feelings.  Everyday that we both choose to grow together rather than grow apart.  For us, the how is adaptive and it is unending.  For us, the how is our forever.